Tainted by Love Read online

  TAINTED BY LOVE

  by

  Gillian Jones

  Copyright © 2017 Gillian Jones

  Kindle Edition

  All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading and sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

  Inquiries please email [email protected]

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. Gillian Jones is in no way affiliated with any brands, songs, musicians or artists mentioned in this book.

  First eBook edition: February 2017

  Edited by Quoth the Raven Writing Co.

  Cover design © Book Covers by Ashbee Designs

  www.ashleybaumann.com

  “Eyes That See” poem ©: S. Louise

  Formatting by Paul Salvette

  About the Book

  My name is Hendrix Hills.

  When I was twenty-nine, I fell in love with a girl.

  We loved fast. We loved hard.

  But our love was tainted.

  My name is Trinity Adams.

  When I was twenty-seven, I fell in love with a boy.

  We loved fast. We loved hard.

  It’s too bad my blood was tainted.

  Dedication

  For Kym.

  This one’s yours.

  You rooted for this story since its inception.

  I hope it’s how you pictured it, even if it was you who decided to change it!

  XOX

  And for Paige.

  I don’t think you realize how much of an integral role you play in these stories.

  For that, I thank you.

  XOX

  Warning: Not your traditional HEA (Happily Ever After). May contain emotional triggers for some. There will be things that you won’t like—and some that you will—but I hope you have fun finding out!

  “I don’t understand

  What destiny’s planned

  I’m starting to grasp

  What is in my own hands…”

  —Depeche Mode, “Clean”

  “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”

  —Mother Teresa

  “AIDS is such a scary thing and it’s also the kind of thing that you think won’t happen to you. It can happen to you and it’s deadly serious.”

  —Ice T

  “If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. Only then would you realize how special you are to me.”

  —Author unknown

  Eyes That See

  This. Right here, this poem, Eyes That See, written by an amazing friend of mine—one I’ve never met except online, but adore like a friend who lives nearby. S. Louise tilted the axis of my emotions with her beautiful words, and as soon as she trusted me with this poem, I knew it was meant to preface this book. I felt it reflected the theme of my story, and the ways society can be cruel. These words are beautiful, the message powerful, and I’m completely humbled that she would allow me to share this piece of herself with my readers. I’m so bloody proud of my friend.

  Be kind to one another.

  Eyes that see,

  Make them stop.

  For eyes that see,

  A mouth full of words is born.

  Tick tock.

  If only the world were blind, we would live by touch, sensation and love only.

  Not by pretty, strong or the ideal body.

  If only the world were blind,

  Hate and discrimination would eventually cease to exist.

  For every pair of eyes that peruse the world,

  A mouth full of words dripping with venom comes alive.

  Words that have the power to destroy.

  I do not want to be destroyed by what I love the most.

  Tick Tock.

  If the world were only blind,

  I would finally be free.

  Tick.

  Tock.

  —by S. Louise x

  Playlist

  (Available on Spotify)

  Real Love – Tom Odell

  Start Beginning – Nizlopi

  Clarity – Zedd, Foxes

  All I See Is You – Meaku

  By Your Side – Remastered – Sade

  Starving – Hailee Steinfeld, Grey, Zedd

  Cold Water – Major Lazer, MØ, Justin Bieber

  Let Me Love You – DJ Snake, Justin Bieber

  Chains – The Sweeplings

  Breathe Me – Sia

  Tonight I Wanna Cry – Keith Urban

  Stay – Rihanna, Mikky Ekko

  Best of You – Foo Fighters

  All We Know – The Chainsmokers, Phoebe Ryan

  Love On Me – Galantis, Hook N Sling

  The Little Things – Kasbo Remix – Big Gigantic, Angela McCluskey, Kasbo

  Unsteady – X Ambassadors

  Let It Go – James Bay

  Say You Won’t Let Go – James Arthur

  Scars To Your Beautiful – Alessia Cara

  Warrior – Demi Lovato

  In The Name Of Love – Martin Garrix, Bebe Rexha

  Learning to Fly – Pink Floyd, James Guthrie

  Try – P!nk

  Dark Necessities – Red Hot Chili Peppers

  Blown Wide Open – Big Wreck

  Cut – Plumb

  Born – Over The Rhine

  I Gave You All – Mumford & Sons

  Oblivion – Bastille

  With Me – dvsn

  Bloodstream – Stateless

  Let Me In – Grouplove

  Run – Revised Album Version – Snow Patrol

  The Background – Third Eye Blind

  Only Time – Original Version – Enya

  Address In The Stars – Caitlin & Will

  Here Without You – 3 Doors Down

  In Loving Memory – Alter Bridge

  Save A Place For Me – Matthew West

  Who Knew – P!nk

  Heaven – Beyoncé

  Who Do You Love – Marianas Trench

  Collide – Acoustic Version – Howie Day

  When You Say Nothing At All – Ronan Keating

  Wasn’t Expecting That – Jamie Lawson

  You Said You’d Grow Old With Me – Michael Schulte

  When You’re Gone – Avril Lavigne

  Clean – 2006 Remastered Version – Depeche Mode

  You & I (Nobody in the World) – John Legend

  Can You Hold Me – NF, Britt Nicole

  The Fighter – Keith Urban, Carrie Underwood

  Love Me Now – John Legend

  Can’t Slow Down – Hedley

  Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd

  Nothing Like Us – Bonus Track – Justin Bieber

  She Is Love – Parachute

  Young And Beautiful – Lana Del Rey

  Sad Song (feat. Elena Coats) – We The Kings, Elena Coats

  Tainted Love – Soft Cell

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  About the Book

  Dedication

  Quotes

  Tainted by Love Playlist

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7<
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  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Chapter 60

  Chapter 61

  Chapter 62

  Chapter 63

  Chapter 64

  Epilogue

  Dear Reader

  More Information

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Follow Me Here

  Books By Gillian Jones

  PROLOGUE

  Trinity

  “Shit, Trinity, you taste good. I can’t wait to finally be inside you,” my boyfriend Blake whispers, looking up from between my legs, his blue eyes dilated with lust. “You’re so fucking tight, wet, so ready.”

  He slides a second finger inside me, stretching and filling me, doing that fluttery curve thing with his fingers, the one that hits my G-spot perfectly every time. “The idea of getting to be the first one to slip my cock inside you makes me goddamn crazy and so fucking hard, Trin. I can’t wait to feel you wrapped around my cock.”

  He’s right. He will be the first. I’m not sure how it happened, but I came to Queen’s University a virgin. Sure, I’d had boyfriends, but never anyone I felt confident enough to go all the way with, never anyone I trusted or loved like I do Blake. On top of being an almost-twenty-year-old virgin, I’m a first-year commerce student here at Queen’s (having taken a year off to make some money for school) while Blake’s a third-year business major specializing in marketing. We met during Frosh week, and we’ve been inseparable ever since.

  “Yes, right there. Don’t, don’t stop, ohhhh…” I moan, as his fingers play me perfectly.

  “You’re beautiful like this. Legs spread open, pussy in my face, those steel grey eyes taking me in like you can’t get enough of me…and fuck if you don’t taste like heaven,” he says, his voice husky.

  “I can’t get enough, Blake,” I tell him as I gaze down at his face, which is glistening with my excitement and hovering between my legs. His blonde hair is mussed, his blue eyes dark pools of desire. I feel myself melting even more. “It feels good, Blake, keep going,” I moan loudly, my body quivering beneath him, needing him to stop talking now. “Please, don’t stop. Just keep going, no more words, no talking,” I plead, pushing the back of his head toward where I want it most, and I hear him chuckle.

  “Love it when you beg,” he grins, his eyes reflecting the same lust I feel. “You being bossy tonight, Trinity? Gonna take what you want?”

  I nod yes.

  “This tight pussy likes all the attention, doesn’t it? You ready to come, Sunshine? Play with your tits. Let me see the way you make those nipples ready for me,” he says, pausing, waiting for me to comply and beg him some more. He always likes it when I beg. We’ve been doing the oral sex thing now for a few months. With me being a virgin, Blake was determined to take things slow between us, to let me set the pace.

  I’m happy I waited for him to come along. I had a few boyfriends in the past, but none as patient as Blake. I was in a couple of relationships where I was pressured to give it up, but, thankfully, I never caved. I would have lived with that regret, especially when I have Blake now, and I’m happy to have this gift to give him. One boy went as far as breaking up with me because I wouldn’t put out by our third date, and he went around spreading rumours about how I was a cocktease. Then I met Blake, and he’s shown me that this is about more than sex for him, it’s about knowing each other, having someone to confide and trust in. But tonight, however, I’m beyond ready to not be the resident virgin anymore; tonight, it’s about sex and it’s my decision.

  “Yes. So ready, please. I want to come, Blake. I—I’m close.”

  “That’s my girl.” He reaches up, pinching my hard nipples before finally moving his face back to my pussy where it belongs. He slides his tongue over my clit and between my slick lips, then slips his fingers in and out while sucking my clit between his lips, bringing me closer to the brink with each motion. My moans of excitement coupled with our heavy breathing become our only soundtrack. His two fingers slip deep inside, flickering at a frenzied pace. My legs begin to shake and his tongue is everywhere I need it to be while his fingers fuck me in perfect synchronization. Waves of pleasure crash against my body as Blake continues driving me towards nirvana, then suddenly it peaks and becomes so intense that my world explodes, and I see colours and flashing lights and feel like I’m melting all over the bed as an orgasm takes over.

  “Thank you. Oh, shit, that was good…” I pant, as Blake moves up beside me. He holds me while my body continues to come down from the most epic orgasm I’ve ever had. Thank the dorm gods that Tara, my not-so-friendly roommate, has gone home for the weekend, although it wouldn’t surprise me if my sexcapades weren’t heard by everyone living on the third floor of Chown Hall.

  “Holy shit, baby. That was a big one. And I’ve just started with you tonight,” he says, nuzzling into the crook of my neck and kissing my collarbone, down to my nipples.

  “You ready for more, Sunshine?”

  “Yes, definitely could go for a few more of those,” I giggle, leaning into Blake’s kisses. I begin running my hands along his chiseled chest before grabbing his cock, stroking it and lightly smearing the pre-cum over the smooth tip.

  “Fucking hell, that feels amazing Trin. You ready for Round Two?” he asks, rubbing my clit with the pad of his thumb, the move causing my barely extinguished fire to reignite, and soon I’m at the precipice again. I feel a hunger deep inside for Blake to fill me up. Despite how nervous I am about it hurting, I want him badly.

  “More than ready. Blake, please, it’s time. Fuck me. I need to feel you,” I say, lifting my hips in reaction. Pulling on his blond hair, I force him to look up at me.

  “Jesus, Trin. You’re going to kill me…do you know how many times I’ve pictured this exact moment? Getting to slip deep inside you, to connect to you like this?” He strokes my long brown hair, giving it a tug before kissing me. “So sweet.”

  “Please. I’m close. I hunger to feel you inside me. I want to feel you come inside me, for us to come together. I’m more than ready,” I add, reaching into my bedside table drawer for the box of condoms I’d bought earlier today, hoping he’d see I was ready to take this next step, to know that I was ready for him to finally make love to me. To know that I loved him.

  “No. I…I don’t want anything between us, Trinity. No barriers. I only want to feel you.” He reaches for my hand, pressing it hard into his chest. He meets my gaze, his stare intense, and then starts kissing me like we can’t get close enough to one another, our tongues battling. “You make me happy,” Blake whispers, once he pulls away. “So sexy.” He makes his way down my body, kissing
my chest, each nipple, and then coming up and taking my lips again as his hands reach down between us. I squirm from the contact, loving how he makes me feel, needing to feel his hardness inside me all that much more.

  “You’re on the Pill. And I’m clean, Sunshine. Please, no condom. Let me do this right. Let me make this the best night for us.”

  I contemplate for a moment, but he’s back sucking on my neck and licking my earlobe, his breath warm in my ear as he whispers how amazing I am, how incredible we’ll feel together, driving me crazy with desire before moving to kiss me tenderly once again.

  All logic and any protests die on my lips. We’ve been together for eight months now, we’ve talked about me moving into his apartment, and he’s right—I am on the Pill, and it’s my first time therefore I know I’m clean, and he says he’s clean. I trust him, so we’re good.

  “Okay. No condom,” I agree, dropping the box of Trojans onto the tabletop. I feel him smile against my lips before he finally eases his way deep inside me, moving slowly. It’s beautiful and feels so good, the little bit of pain is worth the pleasure it chases.

  “So…fucking…tight,” he moans a short time later, as he bucks and jerks inside me. Then, a moment later: Everything’s changed now, Trin. Can you feel it?”

  Truer words have never been spoken.

  1

  Trinity

  Taking a huge gulp of wine, I sit back on my cozy corduroy couch.

  I balance my MacBook on my lap, readying myself to type the three letters into the Google search bar.

  I’m sitting alone, stunned, in my downtown Toronto apartment. The silence around me is deafening. The city’s currently experiencing its first snowstorm of the season, a fitting scenario, really, as I sit here facing a storm of my own.

  “Breathe, just breathe,” I say, trying to calm myself.

  It’s crazy how three tiny letters can have such a major impact.

  HIV.

  I’m twenty-five.

  I’ve only had one sexual relationship where we didn’t use condoms—Blake was my first. We were together on and off for four years. After him, I’d dated a few men and had sex with two of them but, thankfully, always used protection. I thought I’d been responsible and safe.